Many people have only vaguely heard of Snodland. Indeed, many believe it to be a fabled land that exists only in myth. I am lucky enough to live in the centre of this sprawling metropolis. Nestling in the Kent countryside, Snodland is the gateway between bohemian Upper Halling and industrial West Malling. Come with me now as we explore the teeming and varied quarters of this town that time and everything else has passed by.
Street Map of Snodland
High Street
"When a man is tired of Snodland, it is half past two in the afternoon" |
For the nature lovers what can compare to the majestic beauty of the river Medway. Overlooked on one bank by the towering heights of the rolling North Downs, and on the other bank by the baroque beauty of Townsend-Hook Paper Mill, the river reflects a rainbow of iridescent colours as it oozes passed Mid-Kent Water sewage works. Breathe deeply of the perfumed air and experience the romance of the river. Some people are so moved that they are overcome by emotion on their first breath. |
But Snodland is not some sleepy hamlet. It is a busy shopping Mecca for villages from up to a mile away. In the Alldays wander through the brightly lit aisles, where the sight of goods from tens of counties assault your eyes. The goods range from utilitarian porridge oats packed in the latest wonder material 'plastic', through exotic multicoloured toilet paper to the extravagant luxury of Vesta packet curries.
Exhausted by your souvenir hunting? Why not put your feet up in the Snodland Bierkellar-A-Go-Go and Coffee Bar? In this vibrant night spot you can play spot the local celebrity over a cup of Nescafe whilst tapping your feet to Radio Medway. This is the regular haunt of the Rev Tipp, Mrs Buchanan (Snodland's Supreme Home-Made Jam Champion for the last 43 years), Mad Mr Jeffries, and many others too numerous to mention. For the night owls you can drink the night away until 7 o'clock at night (except Wednesdays and Bank Holidays).
Spilling out into the night be dazzled by the flashing lights as they blink on and off in an enthralling electronic display by Snodland's own zebra crossing, a reminder of times gone by from before the bypass. Turn around and gasp at Snodland's Christmas light. Snodland Town Council's decision to save money by leaving the Christmas light up all year means visitors can enjoy this sight at any time.
Alas, all things must come to an end, and as the clock tower tolls eight o'clock the sandman calls the weary traveller to bed. Snodland has a burgeoning hotel industry, and the lucky tourist can choose between Mrs Freeman's bed and breakfast and the Alderman Peters Alms Hostel. Many of Snodland's visitors elect to stay for a fortnight in this most favoured of the South's conurbations. Is it the Olde Worlde charm, the exciting night life, or the fact that the bus calls every second Thursday? Who can say? But, whatever your reason for coming, one thing is certain. You won't forget us in a hurry!
We can be contacted at Snodland Tourist Board
Farewell, and hurry back.